My Job & a Daily Dose

Today Lance's preschool did little Mother's Day programs in each classroom.  I, of course, did not have my camera.  Who forgets to bring a camera to a preschool program?!!  Anyway, it was about ten minutes long.  The kids sang two songs, & then each gave their mom a plant and some fingerprint art.  Lance's teacher, Mrs. Smart (awesome name for a teacher), called each student up & told everyone what they loved about their mom.  Lance loves me because I let him paint everyday.  You should have seen the awe on the face of every mom in the room when they heard that.  We had heard how one little boy loved his mother because she fed him every day, and one little girl loved her mom because she was pretty, but letting your kid paint every single day?!  I bet they were thinking about what an amazing mom I must be and how they were going to go home and get out paint for the kids no matter how much they hated the mess.  And as amazing as I am (don't laugh, jerks), I had to set them all straight.  I am not that nice of a mother.  I mean, I let him paint, just not every day.  I hate worrying about the mess & then cleaning it up.  So it turns out, I am not up for Mother of the Year.  But my son loves me anyway...as long as I let him paint.

Mrs. Smart also asked the kids some questions about their moms, and I love Lance's answers. 

• My mom looks prettiest when.....she dries her hair. (I apparently should do my hair more often.)
• My mom's favorite food is.....pizza. (All the kids answered mac 'n cheese, pizza, and corn dogs.)
• She is happy when...I listen to her. (I am also happy when I have a coke & chocolate.)
• My mom is.....20.....years old. (You bet I am.)
• If my mom could go anywhere she would go to.....Toys R Us. (Most of the kids answered Costco, Walmart, and Target.)
• Her best friend is.....Grandma Home. (Which would be Grandma Holm. Although he usually refers to her as the yellow grandma.)
• Her job is.....to make things for people's birthdays.

The last one is my favorite.  Made me laugh.  And so there you have it...my job.  I bet the kids were envious of Lance's mom's job.  They were probably like, "What?!  Your mom just makes things for birthdays all the time?  And you get to paint every day? Awesome." 

Now this next part is a Daily Dose of David, as requested by my most awesome mother.

So, it's incredibly hard to wake David up once he's fallen asleep.  And if you succeed in waking him, he usually has no idea what's going on or where he is.  That usually means he spouts lots of meaningless words, phrases, thoughts, sentences, etc.  He might even be talking to you as he falls asleep, and the sentence might just gradually turn into nonsense.  Anyway, a few nights ago, he fell asleep on the couch.  I let him sleep for a while, and then I woke him up and told him to go to bed.  To which he asked, "Did you see the oval?"  I paused...thought...and said, "Huh? What oval?"  He said, "The oval! On TV?"  I told him I had no idea what he was talking about.  He said (exasperatedly), "Rachel, you don't know."  He then gets all irritated with me, looks over his shoulder (into the empty living room), and says, "Come on, Lance."  Lance, by the way, had been in bed for a couple hours, but David didn't seem to notice as he stalked up the stairs with his invisible son.  I just sat in the living room laughing.  David didn't remember anything the next morning, but he got a good laugh, too when I told him about how he stood up, looked over his shoulder at nothing, and said, "Come on, Lance," and then walked out of the room. 

This Daily Dose totally made me think of my mom (not just because she requested one).  She always falls asleep on the couch, and if you make any noise, she jumps a mile off the couch (yes, a mile), gasps all terrified-like, her wide open bug eyes dart around quickly, and she says something that sounds like, "mmmbbffgggrrmmbbbfff."  It really does sound like that.  If you're really lucky, she shouts out a random word or two like she has tourettes (no foul words, just randomly shouted words).  "Lalala..ladybug!"  I especially love the time the phone rang, and she picked up the TV remote.  The TV went off, on, off, on, off...and when she couldn't figure out how to answer the phone, she put the remote down and went back to sleep.  And I guess that would be a Daily Dose of DeAnn.

Jaxon's Beauty Parlor

These pictures are from a year ago, but I came across them today, and I couldn't believe I hadn't posted them sooner! My niece, Kendra had gotten a beauty salon kit for her birthday, and her cousin (and my nephew), Jaxon, was so excited to try it out...by doing Kendra's hair and makeup of course!

Applying lipstick.

Brushing her hair. 

Still brushing while Kendra gives herself a haircut.

And still brushing. It helps to stick out your tongue (talk about concentration).



See, you're glad I shared them, too, right?  Are they not the two cutest little redheads?  Side note: While they are cousins, they like to refer to themselves as twins.  Oh my heck...more cuteness! :)

Blame it on the Crack

Last night David & I put the kids to bed, and Luke said (in his sweetest voice), "Mama fweep wiff me a minute, peeeeeeas."  I couldn't say no.  Sweet moments can be rare for my two year old, and when he wants to "nuggo," well that's just what we do.  I snuggled up to my Lukey, and Lance got Daddy by default (there is only one of me after all).

Daddy hopped in Lance's bed, and Lance started yelling at him & kicking him.  Fighting, crying, & screaming are all normal when Daddy's around since he takes great pleasure in tormenting the boys by trying to mess with the way they do things.  For instance, you might think the world was coming to end (at least in our house) when Daddy switches the sippy cup lids so they don't match the cup, but Daddy thinks it's hilarious.  And when Mommy just wants peace & quiet at the end of the day, Daddy incites a riot by insisting Lance wear pajamas that are clearly Luke's.  Lance's attempts at correction are met by Daddy playing dumb.  World War III ensues, and Daddy laughs...and laughs...and laughs.  Daddy's favorite way to make Luke go berserk is to pretend he's beating Mommy up. Luke will start to cry and then try to save his beloved Mama by beating up Daddy.  And another way to bring on the wrath of Lance...try to sleep in the crack of his bed (you know, between the wall and the mattress).  This is what happened last night.

David jumped in the crack & then laughed while Lance went crazy.  After he assured Lance he wasn't after the prime sleeping spot, he says to Lance, "When I was little and kids would ask me how I ran so fast, I would tell them it was because I slept in the crack." I got a serious case of the giggles when I heard that.  And then he said, "And you know what?  I really did believe it."  More laughing.  "No Rachel. I mean it. I told the kids, and then this other kid who ran even faster than me said that he slept in the crack, too!"  Then it must be true. ;)  I'm not sure, but I think David still believes that sleeping in the crack made him fast.  At least he was little when he thought that one up.

I remember in high school there was this Japanese foreign exchange student who ran track.  He was pretty fast, and he told everyone that it was because he ate bananas.  And he was dead serious.  We all thought it was really funny, but I bet there was one or two runners who downed the bananas before a big race (just in case).  I didn't actually try out the theory.  But now that I think of it...I definitely should have tested it.  Couldn't have hurt.  Might have helped.

The banana idea came from a high school senior.  The crack concept came from a little kid.  Okay, I don't really know how little.  But at least David had back up on his theory.  I mean, there was that other fast runner who, coincidentally, slept in the crack, too.

My Personal Trainer

I have the best husband ever! No, please don't argue. He really is the best.

So, I've been trying to lose weight. The first week I worked my butt off (except it's still there). I also gave up my coke :( and chocolate--for the most part. David asked if he could be my trainer, and I said yes. But poor guy...I won't do a thing he says. I'm just difficult like that. And what did I have to show for that first week of pain & sadness (over having no coke or chocolate)? A whopping two pounds. I know it's something, but I was still disappointed. Of course my honey knows how to cheer me up and says to me, "Lookin' good." Then checking out my backside he says, "You must have lost those three pounds from your butt." Go ahead laugh (jerks--you don't know, maybe he's right--now I can't stop laughing). But the thing is, I love him all the more for saying such a ridiculous thing. Especially because he said three pounds when I only lost two! Be still my heart. :)

Naughty or Nice?

After Lance & Luke told Santa what they wanted for Christmas, Santa asked Lance what he was getting his brother for Christmas.  Lance thought for a second & replied, "Hmmmm....to be nice to my brudder."  Definitely nice.

Luke is two.  All two year olds are naughty by default.  I think that makes them exempt from "the list."  They get presents just because they are cute.  Cute apparently negates naughty.

As for Daddy...

I've convinced the boys that Daddy is naughty & Santa is bringing him a lump of coal. :)  I asked the boys if they wanted to help wrap a present for Daddy.  Lance told me Daddy wasn't getting any presents, just coal.  And as much as I like the idea, what if Santa actually brings presents for David?  I can't have the boys thinking Santa brings presents to naughty boys (what will I hold over their heads all through the month of December?).  Daddy better be awful nice today!  He's got a lot of ground to make up.  What's that?  What makes David naughty, you ask?  Let's see...

1. "Wow Luke!!  Those are some thick thighs!  Just like Mama's."  REALLY DAVID???  Haven't we already gone over this--this exact statement???  No wife, and I mean NO wife, would let her husband live after a comment like that!!  Definitely naughty.  I don't care if it's the truth.  Naughty.
2. "You look really nice, Rachel."  Hmmmm, doing better.  "Except for your hair."  I think the second statement cancels the first.  Naughty.
3. When I pulled out the Christmas ornaments this year, I found tiny round holes in some of the balls.  I was baffled.  But wait!  Do you remember a post about David & his BB gun?  And how I found out he had been shooting it INSIDE the apartment?  Mystery solved.  Naughty.
4. Then there were the wooden TV trays that looked like they had been stabbed with a knife a few times.  But it wasn't knives.  It was from ninja stars that had been thrown in the apartment.  I don't think David gets the whole indoor vs. outdoor activity thing.  Although I'm pretty sure ninja stars shouldn't be thrown anywhere.  Unless you're a ninja.  David isn't one.  Naughty.
5. Then there are the numerous toys broken by Daddy (because he was doing something he shouldn't), and all the times he has thought it was funny to make the boys cry.  And about a gazillion other naughty things.

I guess he has done one or two nice things this year.  I still think David making the nice list is a long shot.  He probably thinks the same of me--I won't go into details. :)  But I know Santa really well.  I think I'm good.

**Christmas Update**

Santa apparently thought David was good.  But somehow the BB gun made it's way out Christmas morning.  And I found a BB embedded in the wall of the sitting room.  Don't worry.  David assures me he will paint over it.  

Finally!!!!

Of course I'm late on this....I always am.  Lance turned four last month!!  He had been asking every day since August if it was his birthday yet.  And a month after his birthday he is still singing Happy Birthday to Lance.  :)

Lance opening presents on his actual birthday.  And the banana in the picture...David wrapped it.  He thought it was hilarious.

 

 Luke was thrilled to be able to open a present, too.

 His birthday party.  Blowing out the candles on the pink birthday cake.  Pink cake, pink frosting.  Lance picked it.  I figured the iron man action figures on it counteracted the pink. ;)

 I didn't get pictures of most of the party, but I'm pretty sure Lance had lots of fun.  I had my very own party organizer (thank you, Lynette!!) who made sure the party was everything a little boy could want.  I love you, Lancey!!  And stop growing up!

Halloween Party

These are pictures from my nieces Halloween birthday party.  I know you'll all be wondering how I got my hubby to dress up so ridiculously.  The answer...he's a sucker he'll do anything for his boys.  My little clown, Lance, wanted to be just that--a clown.

The Sideshow Shelley's.  I made all our costumes.  Notice David's pants hanging out of his costume?  I outlawed them for trick-or-treating.  But I didn't get pictures on Halloween. :(

Me, my mom, and my sisters.

My mom & dad.  I don't think my dad had ever dressed up for Halloween before.  And he's wearing tights!!! :)  We told her to make him walk the plank if he acted up.

The Wild (and wicked) Whitts.  They looked awesome!

And Dustin looked absolutely CRAZY!

Cruella & her crew, the Rowdy Robertsons.  Cruella (who threw a fantastic party) is holding the birthday dalmatian.  Mrs. DeVille also made all of these costumes.

Bibbity Bobbity Boo...the Schofieldians!

Kenderella in her awesome dress (which I helped make 'cause I am awesome, too *wink*).